I should really stop doing things. I should stop going to homecoming games and reminding myself of how things used to be and just stop trying dissolve my loneliness in empty conversations with people who won’t care in a couple days time. Because I always feel empty. Things will never be the same. It’s hard to live the life of a story that never had a resolution. I miss having more than one friend. I miss being okay with pretending to be okay. I miss being able to function, with my sadness. I miss my parent’s not knowing about it, because them knowing has ruined me. I can’t live the way I used to anymore. I can’t live at all.
Why is my heart beating so quickly? Why does it feel like my lungs are filled with coal? Why are there spots in my vision? Why are there tears in my eyes? Am I stepping on pins or fears? My palms are soaked. My legs escape me. I’m blinking at a million miles a minute. Is it hot in here, or is it just my world falling apart?
…I was not myself for weeks yet nobody noticed.Elena Gilbert (via unstable-skies)
basically i dont care if you drink smoke or do drugs as long as you can hold a conversation about something besides the fact that you drink smoke or do drugs